


Gay Bomb Crack Fic

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Challenge Response, Humor, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-14
Updated: 2006-06-14
Packaged: 2019-02-05 18:12:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12799611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: The Screwy US Gay Bomb Made Us Do It





	Gay Bomb Crack Fic

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

  
Author's notes: Pairings: Lorne/ Sheppard  


* * *

The familiar sucking-squishie sound of passing through the wormhole squicked Lorne out considerably every time he exited the Gate. He’d hoped that repetition would lessen the nauseating effect of the noise but that moment was still somewhere in his future. The landscape around the Gate was damp-looking, overcast and dreary and he fought the urge to bring his P-90 up reflexively to ward it off. Sheppard appeared beside him a second later.

 

A second after that a loud explosion rocked the Gate. Sheppard and Lorne dove for cover as it blew apart, large pieces teetering precariously before collapsing into a disorganized heap.

 

“Jesus!” Sheppard swore. 

 

Lorne looked at him, eyes grim. “Teyla? Ronon?”

 

Sheppard’s voice was flat. “They’re not here.” 

 

“Maybe they got shifted to another Gate,” Lorne suggested quickly. “That happened once at SGC.”

 

“Maybe,” Sheppard echoed, unconvinced.

 

Lorne ran his hand over his face, wiping at a persistent mist that seemed to cling to their skin and clothes while Sheppard tried his radio.

 

“Atlantis – this is Sheppard.”

 

"We’re kinda far for a short range radio, Colonel,” Lorne pointed out.

 

“Thank you, Major, for that very unhelpful observation,” he ground out.

 

“Anytime, Boss.”

 

“Well,” Sheppard looked around, taking stock of the situation. “We can wait here or we can try and find some friendly natives.”

 

“What if the natives aren’t friendly?”

 

“Well, let’s try not to find the unfriendly ones, okay, Major?”

 

“Pick a direction,” Lorne invited.

 

Sheppard closed his eyes and spun around in a tight circle, stopping at random.

 

“That way,” he said, pointing back over his shoulder.

 

********

 

Lorne had been trained to take in his surroundings, to constantly check and recheck the horizon, observe the situation and the environment at all times.

 

Right now, he couldn’t take his eyes off of John Sheppard’s ass.

 

He shifted against his tac-vest, grimacing as the action scraped his shirt across his nipples, making them ache. He pulled at the vest again, trying to ease the stimulation. Sheppard chose that moment to turn around, narrowing his gaze at Lorne sharply. 

 

“What?” Lorne huffed indignantly, embarrassed at getting caught looking like a horny teenager trying to hide a hard-on from the head cheerleader.

 

If Sheppard had been going to say anything, he thought better of it. “Nothing,” he breathed, turning back to the shallow trail they’d been following. 

 

“It’s getting dark,” he said without looking around.

 

“Maybe we should stop,” Lorne suggested, thinking he wasn’t sure how much farther he could walk with the raging boner he had going on in his pants.

 

“Okay,” Sheppard agreed, slinging his pack to the ground unceremoniously.

 

Lorne dropped his pack beside Sheppard’s. 

 

“Think they’ll find the signs we left,” he asked, trying to make conversation.

 

“Ronon will,” Sheppard answered shortly. He didn’t have to add the “if he’s alive” for Lorne to hear it.

 

They stood, silent, each assessing their surroundings.

 

“We should probably get a little further off the path,” Sheppard suggested casually.

 

“Yeah,” Lorne agreed equally so. He grabbed up his pack and pushed his way into the underbrush.

 

********

 

“Sit. Down. Major.”

 

“It’s fine, really, _sir_ ,” he emphasized the address. He hated it when Sheppard pulled rank, something he rarely did, but he sat down anyway.

 

Sheppard unlaced the strings of Lorne's boot, working it over his ankle carefully. He pulled off the sock and probed gently at the swollen joint.

 

Very gently. Wonderfully gently.

 

Lorne closed his eyes and bit his lower lip, stifling a moan. 

 

“You okay?” Sheppard asked.

 

“Damn root!” Lorne covered, grimacing.

 

“Yeah, they’re like that, you know? Sneaky. Jump right out in front of you.”

 

He finished his inspection of Lorne’s ankle and didn’t let go, his long fingers wrapped around the tight skin, thumb resting against the arch of Lorne’s foot. Lorne bit into his lip again.

 

“Uh, Colonel, you’re gonna….you’re gonna have to let go, of uh,” Lorne stumbled over the words, embarrassed, reluctant to ask Sheppard to release his foot, not wanting him to let go.

 

“Why?” Sheppard asked softly. “Doesn’t that feel good?”

 

Lorne stared at his CO, trying to read him, read his face in the dim firelight.

 

“Doesn’t it make your foot feel better?” Sheppard repeated, his hands rubbing Lorne’s foot carefully.

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t…” he tried again.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because, actually, it’s making a whole lot of things feel better,” Lorne admitted in a rush of words.

 

“Good.”

 

Sheppard moved to Lorne, his fingers pulling hungrily at Lorne’s vest, tossing it away. Lorne’s shirt was next, pushed up roughly and hurriedly, tossed beside the vest and **damn!** Lorne was built. Hard tight stomach and arms and John wondered where he found the time to workout enough to have a body like that. John drew his fingers down Lorne’s chest, scratching over the nipples, hardened in the cool air and did it again to hear Lorne gasp like that. Again.

 

John slipped a knee between Lorne’s legs, pushing his thigh into Lorne’s crotch and pressed himself to Lorne’s cock, pushing Lorne onto his back. John’s hands were large and he couldn’t decide where to touch next, what bit of skin to stroke, to expose…

 

He brought his mouth to Lorne’s chest, exploring with open-mouthed kisses, his tongue tasting the salty patches of hair, biting gently into his nipple, sucking and licking to soothe the sweet hurt.

 

Lorne arched into John’s mouth, urging him on with whispered almost-words, pulling John’s shirt from his pants and over his head. He worked the Velcro belt free and undid the zipper, his hands slipping inside to John’s cock.

 

Lorne was bigger than John, shorter but he outweighed him, and he used that advantage now to roll John beneath him, kneeling between his legs, shoving John’s pants out of his way, his mouth finally on John…

 

He slid his mouth down around John, taking him in deep into his throat. John thrust upwards and Lorne swallowed him in, urging him on and John complied. When his movements became urgent and fast Lorne let him slip out of his mouth, jacking him hard and fast until he came, quickly and without regret. Lorne pushed his own trousers out of the way and gripped his cock, slicking himself down with John’s cum, pushing John’s legs up and positioning himself, slowing down, pushing in slowly. As desperate as he was to be in John, he didn’t want to hurt the man.

 

His hips flexed and he controlled himself, easing himself inside John’s tight ass. John grabbed Lorne’s thighs, pulling himself onto the younger man, pulling Lorne deeper inside him. Lorne pulled back and thrust in again, harder, faster, his movements matching John’s until he exploded.

 

He lay against John’s chest, panting and sweating.

 

“Damn.” John said with classic understatement, as Lorne’s softening cock slipped from his body. “Can I order you to do that again?”

 

“Yes, sir,” Lorne grinned. “In about twenty minutes.”

 

“Cool.”

 

*******

 

 

It was midday before Ronon found them, but find them he did, just as John had predicted. John and Lorne hadn’t made it very far, between getting a late start and Lorne’s limping.

 

Ronon and Teyla had been thrown back through the wormhole and into the Atlantis Gateroom when the Gate had exploded. Ronon called for the jumper waiting at the closest town to pick them up and return them to the settlement where Weir was talking with the Governor and the Head Scientist.

 

The scientist couldn’t apologize enough.

 

“We were testing out a new weapon we planned to use during the next culling,” he was explaining.

 

“It is a biochemical weapon designed to distract enemy soldiers,” the reluctant official admitted.

 

“Distract them how?” Sheppard ground out menacingly.

 

“By making the Wraith soldiers homosexually attracted to each other and…..”

 

“…and very horny!” the enthusiastic scientist supplied.

 

“And this is how you were going to stop the culling?? By making the Wraith gay??”

 

“Well, we’ve never seen a female Wraith, so naturally we….”

 

“NEVER MIND!” Sheppard bellowed. “When does it wear off?”

 

“Well, that’s the thing, uh, Colonel…we’re not sure.”

 

“You’re not sure?!?!”

 

“That’s the thing, Colonel – “

 

“Quit saying that!” Sheppard threatened.

 

“We, uh, haven’t tested it before,” the scientist admitted meekly.

 

“You see, Colonel, we’re not sure how long it lasts because we haven’t tested it before,” the Governor supplied.

 

“You mean you don’t even know **if** it wears off??”

 

Weir ducked her head, smothering a laugh.

 

For his part Lorne remained quiet.

 

Grinning from ear to ear.


End file.
